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There are spoilers in this review. Duh.

I’m honestly not sure where to start. I think I’ll do the two episodes together, because … there’s not much to say about the second one. When you say two episode night, it better be an epic set of plot that goes over two hours. Not an awkward forced hour followed by an hour that seriously meant nothing and did nothing. This episode brought up a lot of plot holes and I’m going to be irritated about it so I might as well start writing. Previously on Once Upon a Time, Emma became the Dark One in Camelot and she cursed everyone to forget what happened there. She’s not really been evil so much as monotone and refusing to give us any pieces of the plot. Because this needs to be stretched out for at least two more episodes, okay? Also Merida got back her kingdom after an adventure with Belle. Merlin said the only one who can stop the Dark One is Nimue which is weird because Nimue is the Dark One so I’m not sure what the deal is with that. Emma put Excalibur together.

Arthur has all of them captured thanks to Merlin, and Emma agrees to come to them. Zelena’s the new BFF of Arthur. Emma convinces Merlin to not listen to the dagger when he’s about to kill Snow, which seems completely ridiculous, since they went through a lot of effort to say that people can’t resist the dagger. That’s the Dark One though, maybe since Merlin’s not dark he’s able to get around it. Whatever. Hook gets free and fights off Arthur, who disappears with Zelena. They think they’re ready to get the darkness out of Emma, when Hook falls over dying. Randomly. He got nicked by Excalibur but seemed fine until they needed actual tension. Emma admits earlier that her great fear is the future with him. As someone who has lost every man in her life and always seemed to be pushed backward instead of forward, she has good reason to be afraid. He wants to buy a house and start a new life together. Now he’s dying so she uses the sword to turn him into another Dark One. Um. I just. You know what. It’s stupid. They’re making things up now. I mean they’re always making things up, but I swear this show cared for like a season about everything syncing up well. There are a lot of reasons this doesn’t make sense, but now Hook is also the Dark One. There’s two of them.

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This is what Emma was actually trying to hide. I guess she erased their memories so no one knew it? She wanted to use Excalibur to put all of the evil into Zelena, but she sped up the baby’s birth so she didn’t kill the kid with Zelena. Personally I’m like faster pussycat, kill kill when it comes to Zelena. Hook talks in this episode about how he used to kill people just for funsies, so he’ll forgive Emma for whatever she did. LOL. That took all of two seconds for you to change your mind about. So seriously, how is this a thing? Hook is a Dark One, but he has no magic as far as we know. He’s felt no particularly powerful in this, unless they’re about to talk about how his powers were bound or something. He hasn’t felt the absence of good in his heart or something? I mean yes, he’s been fighting his dark side for awhile, so maybe it doesn’t feel any different to him. But it seems impossible that he would be exactly who he’s been for this season while also being the Dark One. He hasn’t changed in the least. This is all just for a gotcha moment. So now he’s mad because Emma turned him into the Dark One, something he didn’t want. Oh Killian come on, lol, like you wouldn’t do whatever it took to save Emma regardless of what she asked of you.

I’ve been saying for awhile that nothing Emma’s doing is particularly evil, outside of some manipulation. She’s been a really disappointing Dark One that way. The worst thing she’s done is hurt Henry and rip out Violet’s heart, which yes is bad, but Regina’s done like 2000000000x worse things. And now it’s all about Hook and hiding that he’s the Dark One? I don’t know, but honestly, I don’t care either. All of the emotional stuff in this episode didn’t hit home for me. It makes zero sense he had no idea he was the Dark One or anything was different about him. All of them would do whatever they could to save the lives of the person they cared about, so it’s not really unusual for Emma to do the same. Plus, Zelena killed Neal and Marian, and no one cares about her, so seriously, it’s about time she went away. I would suck at living in this world because black and white thinking is not something that works for me. I was pretty baffled at what we were going to see after this, but I at least expected it would be the aftermath of Hook being the Dark One. Wow was I wrong.

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I don’t have a lot to say about the second episode. It was purely in the Enchanted Forest flashback. Arthur and Zelena go to Merida’s kingdom for an enchanted helmet that would make men follow him. Merida’s father had it before, which makes her doubt his kingly abilities and her own. It turns out Mulan trained her to fight, and Mulan’s in this not long after she walked away from Aurora. What about the Merry Men? Are we just going to ignore the fact she went and hung out with them for awhile? Merida needs help to get the helmet because the Witch is going to curse them all if she doesn’t get it. She finds out Arthur killed her father. Ruby shows up random, having apparently gone back to the Enchanted Forest to look for werewolves. Wait a second. Okay. Why am I thinking too much about this, but it was super freaking easy to get back there. They just randomly had a bean???? That’s what they used it for? Wouldn’t Ruby have found some werewolves caught up in the curse? There’s tons of NPCs we’ve never met, surely one of them is a werewolf. Whatever. All the badass ladies are great and become friends and Mulan and Ruby go off into the sunset together to hunt werewolves. Merida takes over the throne. The end.

I honestly can’t even express how baffling it was to have this second episode. I mean it is a purely filler one, with no real bearings on what is happening in the current world, outside of referring to the Underworld. They’ve been teasing we’re seeing Greek Mythology soon, which might be the only reason I continue from here. I do love the Greeks. Two hour specials typically are jam packed with major things happening. This was almost pathetically random. Don’t get me wrong, I really like Mulan and Ruby, and Merida isn’t too bad. It just seems so pointless to put this after an otherwise major/tense episode, and expect us to care about it. Why did you play these together? I don’t even. Whatever. At least when the Frozen characters were on the show, they directly connected into the major plot and made a difference. Merida’s tacked on. The rest of Camelot’s been involved. I don’t know why she was added here outside of them wanting to milk another Disney property. I was iffy about watching this season, and now I’m not sure I want to continue again. I’ve always been one thread away from cutting it off. The truth was I found myself going “I don’t care” so often. That’s never a good sign. Facepalm.

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Comments
  1. Krista Cagg says:

    I haven’t watched any of this yet, as with AoS, but once again your reviews tell me I’m not missing anything but frustration. I just can’t wrap my head around Arthur as a bad guy. Nope.

    Like

    • Dee says:

      I don’t really mind Arthur as a bad guy too much, because it’s said that he used to be a good person and sort of got corrupted by obsession and the high expectations on his shoulders. Now he’s definitely a bad person, but we saw him as a kid and a new king and he was a good person/leader until he started to down spiral. Merlin still said clearly that Arthur has what it takes to be a good man again, that he believes in him, but Arthur’s just too corrupted by now. I’m just glad MERLIN isn’t evil because he’s the best.

      Like

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