Once-Upon-a-Time-The-Bear-and-the-Bow-3-550x367

There are spoilers in this review. Duh.

I warn you that this is going to be a hostile recap and at some point I might start yelling in caps. It is probably not a surprise considering I’ve mentioned for the past season that I am sick of Rumple, and their continued desire to cram him down my throat has driven me insane. It nearly got me done with last season, and with this episode I was very close to deleting the show off my list. The only thing holding me down is that I am interested in the Dark Swan wrap up. And now Merlin is delightful. Except we see very little of him, unfortunately. Next week we’ll get more. Previously on Once Upon a Time, Arthur’s actually a bad guy. Keep in mind he was still able to take the sword from the stone because I feel like that should be a reminder for everyone after this episode. Emma’s the Dark One and we don’t know what happened in Camelot to turn her into one, but they did release Merlin from the tree. And Emma was starting to do shady stuff like take out little Violet’s heart to break Henry’s heart for a spell. Yikes. Well he forgave Regina for her many, many evil deeds so it’d be hypocritical for him not to for Emma. Merida was forced to train Rumple to be a hero so he could take Excalibur.

I’m going to leave my ranting for the next paragraph. Merlin reminds Emma (and the audience) he came to her as an usher and told her not to touch the sword. He warns her again to stay away from Excalibur, especially now that she’s the Dark One. They go off on a quest to find someone who can apparently help, and Belle gets kidnapped by Merida. Merida needs help to save her brothers because the clans won’t follow her anymore. Her arrow wasn’t able to save her father’s life, and she needs help from Belle to do a spell and make her into a bear. Belle reveals it was a trick and she thinks Merida can get the clans to follow her just by being a great queen. By saving her brothers from dying with one arrow, the clans end up getting faith in her again. By one arrow? She decides to take mercy on the person who just tried to murder them. LOL okay. Ridiculous. I’m always pleased with Belle when she’s not about Rumple, because she’s a great character on her own. In Storybrooke, everyone gets fooled by Arthur when they get the mushroom again to try and talk to Merlin. He tries to burn it so now they know he’s evil. It’s too bad they weren’t as genre savvy as they were in Camelot. Henry is able to talk to Merlin who warns them about the Dark One and that only someone named Nimue can help them. Nimue is most likely Merlin’s great love and/or the Lady of the Lake, since depending on the version of the Camelot tales that’s her identity.

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So then there’s the Rumple stuff. I wanted to scream during this entire experience. First off, Belle’s like “how is Emma any different from Rumple?” STOCKHOLM SYNDROME MUCH. BELLE, HOW ABOUT CENTURIES OF MURDER OR MAYHEM. OR HOW HE’S ALWAYS CHOSEN EVIL EVEN WHEN GIVEN MULTIPLE CHANCES. OR HOW SHE BECAME IT TO SAVE REGINA AND HE BECAME IT BECAUSE HE’S A COWARD. aghhhhhhhh why are you making her dumb, remember when she exiled him from the town? That was an incredible moment with her and you’re backtracking so big with her. UGH UGH UGH. Rumple yet again is terrible this episode, trying to flee the town with Belle since Merida is tracking them. Belle says she’s staying and he actually does leave her. Sure he came back, BUT HIS FIRST INSTINCT WAS TO LET HER FACE HER DEATH ALONE. GUYS. WHAT. THIS IS THE WORST REDEMPTION STORYLINE. He comes back and is able to take the sword of the stone whatever whatever whatever. Keep in mind Arthur was evil and still got it out so that doesn’t mean anything about Rumple. He threatens Emma now that he’s a hero. YUCK I AM SO UNHAPPY WITH THIS STORYLINE.

grrrrrr I can’t even see straight right now. Next episode is featuring Merlin more heavily and Nimue. So good. Also Merida and Mulan will team up and that almost guarantees that they are the same sex couple OUAT promised, and I approve very much. I find it interesting that Merlin can go around time, he knows a lot about the modern world and could clearly appear there. As one of the most powerful magic users of any world, it makes sense that he’s shrouded in mystery. I know we’ll probably wrap all the Camelot stuff up in this segment, but if only we could keep him. There are rumors right now that in the 100th episode a lot of dead characters will briefly make appearances. There’s rumors that the Underworld and Greek Gods might be a part of it in the second half. Don’t tempt me with greek gods, show. It’ll take something like that to keep me going because right now all I want to do is table flip at you. If I want to continue with this show I might have to accept that they’ll be forcing Rumple on me. I’m not so sure it’s worth the price anymore.

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