DARBY STANCHFIELD, KERRY WASHINGTON, JEFF PERRY, BELLAMY YOUNG, PORTIA DE ROSSI

There are spoilers in this review. Duh.

One of these days I’m just going to write an entire Scandal review that’s “why” typed a hundred times. And that’ll be it. It’s coming, I can feel it. There are moments in this episode I didn’t hate. The scene with Michael and his parents was well acted. In general Scandal has great acting, even when they’re given complete nonsense to read. I missed James, so it was nice to see him again, even if it only reminded us about what a manipulative jackass Cyrus was. It’s clear that he understands now that James is dead how awful he was, but since he clearly has no intention of really changing, it doesn’t matter much. Plus this is more White House nonsense and I hate, hate, hate, hate White House nonsense. I tried to zone out a few times. Previously on Scandal, Cyrus got seduced by a hooker Michael. They were caught on camera  so now they need to do a shotgun wedding. Cyrus was married twice before, once to a woman when he was pretending to be straight, and then to James who he married for love. We get to flashback to those weddings, and was Cyrus really that old when he married his wife? It’s okay to occasionally use younger actors if it was like 10-15 years ago guys. Whatever. Also Sally Langston was a crazy person who I had hoped was gone for good, but here she is back again, so whee. James was set up to sleep with her husband as blackmail against her. Remember when that was the worst thing for them? Before James got murdered by Jake. Ahhh, those were better days.

Anyway Cyrus and Michael were caught so now they have to be married. Mellie sees this as a good publicity stunt for her run for Senate, and eventual run for Presidency, because this show is a [BLEEPING] joke. Then Michael is caught making out with someone else, and Cyrus plans on just throwing him under the bus. Meanwhile Sally’s showed up to have her own Glenn Beck-like TV show where she can expose Cyrus as awful. To be fair, he absolutely is, but obviously she’s doing it for creepy far right nutball reasons. Olivia offers to give her a position in the White House again, WHAT LOL, and she’s like naw, I’m doing awesome on TV. I can’t fault her there. Instead of blackmailing her with the murder of her husband, they just blackmail her with his gayness, which apparently is worse. I don’t care, this show is dumb. I’m in one of those moods. Someone get me an extra glass of wine. At one point they decide Michael will be destroyed and poor Cyrus will look like his heart is broken. They start to spin it.

138676_1713-1024x682Until he has dinner with Michael’s parents and sees how awful they are. They also mention they sent Michael to a conversion camp, maybe more than one. Yuuuuuuuck. Michael looks genuinely horrified and heartbroken, having thought perhaps his parents came to see him for real. No, they were paid by Elizabeth, so he’s devastated. Cyrus is flashing back to his other marriages and how horrible they ended up, and he decides to marry Michael. He’s pretty straight forward and says he doesn’t really plan on them falling in love, but they can figure out a way to make it work. He’ll help raise the kid, the one Cyrus never wanted anyway, and probably have private affairs on the side. Cyrus will be somewhat nice to him. It’s not an ideal proposal, and Michael’s sad this is what his wedding ended up being, but they do seem a little more on the same page. I don’t care either way.

There’s flashbacks of Cyrus’ wedding to James and Olivia left Fitz. He gave her his ring and they started their affair, or rather promised that he would be with her one day. Gag me. He’s upset that she’s seemed to take off the ring, which she does, but then she decides to put it back on. Who knows why. Who cares. By the way that’s his family heirloom ring, one he didn’t even give his wife before he met his mistress. Like you were just holding onto that even after marrying Mellie? When you two were still happy, remember? You actually liked her a lot before things went badly, and that was before Olivia. But okay. I actually find Cyrus as a character reprehensible but interesting, so I didn’t mind the flashbacks that much. He’s still reprehensible, but at least he seems to be embracing that now. And now the baby will have an actual parent. Very good acting all around, as per usual, but I still need an extra bottle of wine. Especially after seeing the preview of next week when apparently Jake goes crazy and OOC and decides to turn on everyone? Sigh.

 

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